Even though I may not show….I DO LOVE YOU
(Photos from Donabellas)
When I read this line, my father rolled up to my mind. He didn’t say he loves me or my two other sisters. He didn’t even show love to us.
The only emotion you could ever see on him is the irks when he sees something that he thought is displeasing and gladness if you do or give something good to him.
The only memory of how he became a father to me was when I saw him holding a piece of lumber when there was a big news that a group of bad guys who escaped the city jail and gone amuck in some schools in our city and my former school was one of them. He was carrying that lumber, and he was planning to get me from school.
I forgot all the candies and chocolate that he used to bring when he gets home after his long day of work. He usually brings 3 candy mint or one pretzels every night and a gallon of ice cream in every occasion.
But when I grow older, I don’t know if my memory lapses, but I don’t remember any father and daughter moment between us.
He loves to scold me because I was so clumsy. I was the nitwit among the three siblings, I need to ask him more than once when asked me to do something.
If you ask my mother if who’s the brightest daughter that she has, I am sure she won’t tell my name also.
I am weak, physically and mentally. Maybe emotionally too. That’s what they thought of me and that’s what I also thought of myself.
When I enter college, I deviated from what I thought of myself and that created disagreement between us.
I have learned to talk back, but not in the sense that I disrespect him.
I became a student leader and very active in social issues. He was working abroad that time and he said, he returned home because he can’t understand what I was talking about in all my letters to him.
Yes, I am propagating the oil price hikes, the inequalities in Philippine society and the evilness of the present government.
Of course, I know that it was he’s only mean of blaming me for returning home, he just cannot work abroad anymore and can’t even say that he missed us.
Maybe my failed marriage and my returning to home added a mediocrity to me.
When writing this post, I am not saying that he’s a bad father, and that he doesn’t love me. He just thinks that I cannot live without them…That they can’t let me go or else I’ll get off track.
Now I realized one more memory I cannot forget of him as my father, whenever he’s going out he loves to ask me what I want while I was carrying my daughter.
That’s sweet. Now I don’t care if he didn’t tell me that he loves me. I can feel it in a way. He’s not going to cook for me if he doesn’t.
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a 37 year old Filipina. a learner. wanderer. tend to procrastinate a lot. a big fan of photography and wishing to be a protraiture, wedding and kids photographer....someday (Chorva!)
By itot, August 29, 2008 @ 1:21 am
belated happy fathers day!
itots last blog post..iPhone Girl, China’s Prettiest Factory Girl!
By liza, August 29, 2008 @ 5:26 am
ganun lang siguro talaga ang mga tatay, hindi talaga showy. ganyan din dad ko nuon, ganun pa rin ngayon kahit sa mga apo nya hahaha.
lizas last blog post..It’s My Lucky Day
By shien, August 29, 2008 @ 6:38 am
You have a great father, he did what every parent would do to their daughter.
A very sweet post.
shiens last blog post..Dewi Soekarno
By monaco, August 29, 2008 @ 10:48 am
Amen, prend. Ganyan din ang father ko. Most Pinoy fathers are like that siguro especially the older ones. They don’t show emotion, galit lang! He he. The Pinoy macho mentality ek ek siguro.
By myepinoy, August 29, 2008 @ 11:47 am
well, I guess I am a different breed. ha ha ha
myepinoys last blog post..I love you too!
By Michael, August 29, 2008 @ 12:39 pm
Are you the youngest? If so, that may be why they can’t let you go.
As for expressing his feeling, it’s his generation. My father is the same way. They express their feelings through actions, not words.
Michaels last blog post..Preferences in Age Difference
By manilenya, August 29, 2008 @ 11:03 pm
belated happy father’s day din sayo
By manilenya, August 29, 2008 @ 11:05 pm
hehehe tatay ko iba sa mga apo nya..spoiled nga yung anak ko nung maliit e, ngayon kahit konti ..alagang alaga nya po si aya kahit na madalas e napapagalitan nya sa kakulitan at katigasan ng ulo
By manilenya, August 29, 2008 @ 11:07 pm
Yeah, I know he is a great father
..thanks shien for dropping by.
By manilenya, August 29, 2008 @ 11:08 pm
hahaha! sinabi mo …feeling macho kasi ang mga kalalakihang pinoy…pero pangit yung pagiging machismo ng kulturang pinoy lol!
By manilenya, August 29, 2008 @ 11:11 pm
hehehe sana ikaw na lang tatay ko…pero labs ko tatay ko e kaya wag na lang lol!
By manilenya, August 29, 2008 @ 11:23 pm
The problem is I am the eldest and during my younger days, my father doesn’t believe that I can handle myself because he thought that I don’t have a good disposition in life.
By piapot, August 30, 2008 @ 12:00 am
hala ako nga nalimutan ko yata ang father’s day! naku! although, most father’s are not so vocal about how they feel, and my dad is one of them, although how he feels can be clearly seen in the way he speak and through his actions, he’s one goofy man always loves to crack jokes and all, we all do love our fathers no matter what! and no matter how they may not tell you directly, they also love us too!:-)
piapots last blog post..A Better Me and You!
By Michael, August 30, 2008 @ 2:07 pm
I see. You must have a troublemaker, eh? Seriously, though, my brother was treated the same way before he got married and had kids.
Michaels last blog post..How to Scare a Telemarketer
By edelweiza, September 1, 2008 @ 3:44 am
nice post.alay kay ama.hehe.
di rin ako showy sa tatay ko pero love na love ko yun..bata pa lang ako hinahangaan ko na sya….mdami kc syang kwento at trivia.nung bata ako, ang tingin ko sa tatay ko matalinong tao, at hanggang sa paglaki ko di nawala yun. i’m proud to be her daughter.:)
edelweizas last blog post..Save More Market Opens at Nagtahan Today
By manilenya, September 1, 2008 @ 4:24 pm
Oh no! He just thought I’m weak but he was wrong of course
By esouled, September 3, 2008 @ 1:16 am
hi there! i have my own share as a father to a 2 year old son.and i want to share it with you guys try to check my post about father’s day:www.esoularium.blogspot.com thanx! btw, your comment will be apreaciated!
By Mabel, September 9, 2008 @ 11:20 pm
I think saying i love you is not widely practiced in the filipino society unlike here in the US. My father is a lot like yours manilenya. But I know that even if they don’t say it very often or not say it at all- they love us more than anything else in this world.
Mabels last blog post..Am I Getting Bald?!
By sasha, September 15, 2008 @ 2:17 pm
Ganon naman ata halos lahat ng tatay, te. Ganyan din ang dad ko. Di showy saka affectionate. Pero sa kilos at gawa, makikita at mararamdaman mo na mahal ka. Mabuhay ang mga tatay natin! lol
sashas last blog post..BYBS: Support
By shanaya(aya), October 4, 2008 @ 8:04 am
eh mama ngayon lagi nyang sinasabi kay tantan miss na kita kaya hindi lang niya naipakita sayo (kung hindi) sa apo nya lang naipakita (ata)..
By manilenya, October 5, 2008 @ 7:28 pm
aya…naks naman may link hehehe galing ng anak ko ha…at ang galing ha binasa mo talaga at naintindihan mo? lol! musta ka na? iniwan ka daw nina tatay at nanay nung nagpunta sila ng Abra? okey ka naman ba? magaling ka na?
By annie, December 18, 2008 @ 1:57 pm
your story reminds of my dad. its a typical pilipino guy! kaya siguro matagal kung nahanap ang aking prince charming. at tama ka they dont say I love you, kasi nahihiya sila na malaman mo na ang katulad nila ay mag sasabing “mahal din kita anak”. buti na lang ibang iba ang nakuha kong ama ng aking mga anak, at masaya kami kahit naghihirap. but…..my dad really showed me that he loves me till the end of his life……
By manilenya, December 18, 2008 @ 9:31 pm
Hey Annie, kaw rin po ba si bebot? lol! ang lalim na nitong post na to ha
narating mo pa rin? lol!
By annie, December 19, 2008 @ 2:14 pm
pssssst. wag kang maingay …….nakasilip ang reyna….hehehehehehe….malayo ka pala sa amin nasa lugar kayo ng Barrie. madami ng snow dyan sa inyo….oo nakarating ako dito dahil…..I feel in love sa mga story mo..(corny no?) bago mong site ito? im a new reader. PUP rin ako tapos, pero matanda ako ng isang decada…..at isang marikenian…..
By manilenya, December 20, 2008 @ 12:52 am
hay naku grabe ang snow dito annie, walang patid ang snow mula kaninang umaga lampas tuhod na yata ang sbnow sa labas. at korek nasa bundok nga ako
wow naman tats naman ako dyan 
matagal na tong site na to December 2005 mag anniversary na pala lol! buti pinaalala mo sa kin 
at wow! PUPIan ka rin galing! hmn baka kabatch mo yung tita ko. PUP rin sya e. matagal ka na rito sa Canada? musta naman ang magiging pasko nyo?
Sa Alliston ako sa holiday, malapit lang sa inyo
..at wow Marikenya..natira ako ng isang bwan dun 