I really think that I owe you a talk but since I am lacking of words every time I speak, I resolute to put those words I can’t utter into writings. Besides, my apprehension started here. Exactly after I read your comment right from my inbox.

I was so ashamed of myself when I saw your comment. I even scolded myself for checking my mail through my hand phone, but of course I know I still can see that if I go online. I know, I cannot run.

It is so careless of me that I didn’t realize that I am going to offend you with that entry. Same as I didn’t realize that I am going to hurt my mother’s feeling when I wrote Ang Babae sa Kahabaan ng Recto (The Girl at Recto Avenue -) I asked her to visit this site and read but I didn’t expect her to root into my archives just like what you did.

Really, I appreciate the words “part of your family”. It’s the second time that I get that message from you. The first time was when you made a decision that you want to keep me as your Live-In Caregiver through text remember? And I cannot hold back from jumping then, I tell you. I was so happy. I am going to work with you and your two dearest daughters.

I remember when the little one didn’t stop from asking me to watch a late night movie with you on my second night and pretty Miranda had to prepare popcorn and some fruits because she knows that I’m off already and not familiar yet with the stuff in the kitchen. I don’t actually have a problem with Miranda in terms of meal. She eats everything I cooked and she is so self-contained. If she wants to eat, she will make something for her.

Lisa, I really had a problem with the little girl. There was a time that I really want to give up and tell you that I am going to resign. But when the night comes and you’re home from work, I suddenly see your cheery face (when you’re not tired) and started a small conversation with me about the house and the kids or about anything. I forgot everything I had in mind.

Or maybe because I am not accustomed to white kids way of behaving? I observed that she is treated like a grown-up by her siblings, that is why she also acts like a grown-up with me. I also realized that she acts the way the character on the TV we are watching act. And that intimidates me.

But believe me I tend to overcome that sentiment. I tell you one time she told me that the big girl has big chocolate but denied her some of it. This is when I told her that the cats like Miranda because she is nice to them, and that Miranda is good than her (this is bad I know) All I did was to ask her to come close and I’ll give her a hug plus the same chocolate (smaller size). Yeah I know. She just recently reminded me that I owe her a chocolate.

And this one I will never forget. The big brother yelled at her and I felt that she was really upset. And when she’s upset she wants me to go away from her. I can’t do that because I felt for her. I asked her again to come close and I’ll give her a hug. And I hugged her. I carried her in my lap just like a baby and still hugging her while tapping her leg. And she likes that. She didn’t go away from me or didn’t let go of me.

But of course, she’s a six years old kid that is likely to change feelings/behaviour in no minute. I have to understand that.

You are such a sweetheart. I won’t forget the iPod. I have told you that were on my wish list. And the flowers, that made my birthday celebration ended for a month. Too bad that I didn’t have the chance to blog that. I really love the flowers.

I thank you for bringing me back and forth from my uncle’s place and yours. I love the (toy)room. When I am on my room at my uncle’s place and woke up late in the morning I thought I am in my room back at the basement besides Miranda’s room and cursing myself for waking up late. I thought I need to work.

And I adore Miranda for her gestures when she shared her bathroom with me. She is so kind.

I hope I didn’t upset you that much. I hope you understand me. You and Munden are the blessings I received when I came here in your country.

By the way, I made this letter that day I read your comment from my cell phone. I just didn’t get the chance to post it. Have a Happy Birthday!

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